Review: JACK THE GIANT SLAYER

It was supposed to come out last summer. I remember seeing an early trailer maybe a year ago and it looked good. Bryan Singer was directing, usually a guy that doesn't make popcorn crap (he was, after all, the director that turned Superman into Jesus and added Auschwitz to The X-Men). So I was intrigued. And then the film was bumped, lost, forgotten. And a new date, March of 2012, was announced. And the obvious reasons burst forth; time to finish the special f/x, tweak it, bring it out without summer blockbuster competition, etc. And the fans had their own ideas of why it was bumped; the movie sucked, was a mess, major editing needed to be done, the thing is doomed, etc. So here it is, doomed to be a box office disaster (thanks to Oz, the Great & Powerful coming out next weekend), practically limping into theaters like a sick homeless child at your door begging for kindness.
And it's actually a pretty good movie, albeit it's for children, most of the special f/x suck, the 3-D is pointless, it's fluff and dumb, but it is entertaining, it features a pretty princess, and there are some very good sequences here. Everyone hated Singer's last picture, Valkyrie, but I enjoyed it. And while I wasn't a big fan of his take on Superman or The X-Men, the guy does have a knack at providing entertainment. Jack the Giant Slayer is a fun romp. It has a stellar cast; Ewan McGregor, Ian McShane, Stanley Tucci, Nicholas Hoult. And while a hefty majority of the film is played for childish laughs, there are some well crafted and good looking scenes here. The most memorable is the first sight of one of the giants. I don't need to tell you the story of "Jack & the Bean Stalk," right? Well this film is that story but with more than one giant. Once Jack is up there and we hear the foot steps shaking the earth and see the trees swaying and the animals fleeing and it's raining and misty and we're going to finally see the giant...it's suspenseful stuff, very well filmed. Granted, this is one scene in a two hour film, and eventually we get an over-the-top battle down below, but it's all fun, entertaining, and not as bad as you probably thought or wished. Now Singer, it's time to stop playing in the sandbox and make me proud with X-Men: Days of Future Past. **1/2

TOP 10 MOST ANTICIPATED FILMS OF 2013

1- THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE: I enjoyed the first film. It wasn't spectacular or anything. It was entertaining. This one has a tropical island setting which is better and a bigger budget and a new director who usually does action films (he made the horrible I Am Legend...but at least he knows how to direct big action set pieces). It'll probably be the last good film in this series as the last, awful book is being split into two films and doesn't even feature a Hunger Games. So enjoy the last, big spectacle in this universe. It's gonna be huge.

2- BEFORE MIDNIGHT: This is the third film in the “Before” series starring Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy and directed by Richard Linklater. Sure, they're just a guy and girl talking for one night in a foreign city but they're emotional and engrossing and beautiful. The ending to the last one, Before Sunset, was one of the greatest endings of all time. These are perfect films and the early word out of Sundance is that this film is just as good.

3- THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG: Haven't even seen The Hobbit yet...and not even sure what the title is. Hobbit: There and Back Again? Something lame. Should just call it Lord of the Rings 4. But I still want to see this, as the dragon shows up here, plus it's a Hobbit film, which is big. And we're lucky Peter Jackson is still making these films. So enjoy it while it lasts. After all, there are no more (good) J.R.R. Tolkein books to film.

4- THE WORLD'S END: So this is the latest, and apparently last film with Simon Pegg and Nick Frost and directed by Edgar Wright. This trio did Hot Fuzz and Spaced and Shaun of the Dead. This film is apparently about a bar and the end of the world. Should be wild and hilarious. These three guys have been separated for too long. For some reason they aren't quite as spot-on unless they're all together.

5- MAN OF STEEL: Zach Snyder doesn't have the greatest track record...but he does at least make big spectacles. So even if they're not good films they're at least eye candy and entertaining. The last Superman, by Brian Singer, sucked...so this doesn't even have to be great to be a step up. It also looks fairly dark (Superman in handcuffs!), so that means it won't be camp crap. So far from the previews it looks big and expensive...so I can't wait to finally see it.

6- THE GREAT GATSBY: This should perhaps be higher...as it was supposed to hit in December thus the trailer gives it all away since it's been finished and we know what we're gonna get. It's Baz Luhrman's version of the great novel; all gloss, flash, music, costumes, the whole bit. Stars DiCaprio and Tobey Maguire and it really looks amazing. Let's hope it makes us forget Australia.

7- STAR TREK: INTO DARKNESS: JJ Abram's second Star Trek feature looks...it looks like nothing because I haven't seen anything but the poster. The first one was okay but Abrams always puts on a good show and this should be the big summer film this year. And I think I was the lone person that really enjoyed Super 8.

8- STOKER: This is at Sundance right now. It looks weird but interesting. Nicole Kidman is in it and it was written by Prison Break's Wentworth Miller. The reason I want to see it is because Park Chan-Wook directed it. He made Oldboy and Thirst and is one of best directors out there. Granted, few have made the leap to to Hollywood and survived. We'll see.

9- SNOWPIERCER: Another transplant. So South Korea is fucked. They're losing all their good directors. This is perhaps my favorite director at the moment, Bong Joon-Ha. The Host and Memories of Murder are two great films. This one is about a train and set in some post-apocalyptic world. Really. So you're guess is as good as mine. It stars Thor, Chris Evans, and Tilda Swinton.

10- NYMPHOMANIAC: This one stars Shia Lebeouf and was written/directed by Lars von Triers. It also supposedly features real sex on film, which would make this the first outside-of-porn film to do this since, what? Shortbus? 8 Songs? The Brown Bunny? Lars von Trier's last two films have been more interesting than good (Antichrist was gorgeous but too full of itself and Melancholia was boring). He has made some good films; Manderlay, The Boss of it All, and the TV show The Kingdom. This film will at least be intriguing.