Review: THE NEGOTIATOR

SUFFERING FROM INSOMNIA? WATCH ‘THE NEGOTIATOR’ FOR 30 SECONDS

(a waste of 2 hours+ of my life, ppv)

    Is it me, or does Hollywood just suck?
    Take “The Negotiator” for instance, a boring two hour+ pure Hollywood film. It’s shiny and sleek, features big stars Samuel L. Jackson and Kevin Spacey, and takes us through the been-there-done-there plot of good guy framed by bad guy.
    The only other movie that read Hollywood more than “The Negotiator” last year was the other bad summer movie, “Armageddon”, which at least had a few endearing qualities (Steve Buscemi and the cool opening sequence).
    “Negotiator” doesn’t have any aspect AT ALL that I can recommend. The plot is horrendous, the climax even worse, the actors doing basic schtick, the so-called “action” scenes a laughing joke, and it is actually more boring that “A Perfect Bore”, which has the fucking word in it’s title for chrissakes!
    Samuel L. Jackson plays a cop who is framed for some absurd back story about money laundering out of a pension fund. His partner is killed and the bad guys (they’re fellow cops! Holy shit is that one helluva plot twist or what?) frame Jackson. Sam goes up to J.T. Walsh’s (corrupt asshole) office which is conveniently located in a Die Hard-esque city building and starts to demand answers. The answers don’t come so Jackson takes four people hostage. More cops show up, and eventually Spacey shows up as….ready for the worst name in history…I’m serious this name takes two stars away….CHRIS SABIAN.
    Holy shit that’s a fucking horrible name. “Hey, CHRIS SABIAN, want some coffee?”
    So Jackson and CHRIS SABIAN have a “mental” war until the big climax when the good guys defeat the bad guys.
    Last summer there was a preview of this film that everyone thought gave the ending away. It was a scene that wasn’t even in the film, but nonetheless it showed CHRIS SABIAN and Jackson teamed up, CHRIS SABIAN telling the cops via his walkie talkie, “Now you’re going to have to deal with both of us.”
    As the movie dragged on I thought…they only put that so-called “spoiler” in the preview because by the time you get up to the end of the film you’re fast asleep or so bored to shit you couldn’t give three fucks.
    This movie is definitely the worst movie I’ve ever sat through completely. I’ve seen bad movies but at least they were watchable. This movie will put you to sleep faster than being hit over the head with a sledgehammer. Jackson and CHRIS SABIAN have so little “chemistry” that was built up upon that the movie makes both actors look horrible. There’s snippets of action edited into the film just to wake your ass up. The only redeeming value of this airplane disaster onto a train wreck crashing into a nuclear power plant causing a gigantic explosion is the fact that Paul Giamatti stars in it. He’s Pig Vomit from "Private Parts" and he was in "Saving Private Ryan."    When I saw him I smiled and when the movie was over I felt like shooting the director in between the eyes with a fucking bazooka. NO STARS