Review: THE IMPOSTERS

ART HOUSE POPCORN

(reviewed on video, Wednesday, May 26th, 1999)

    Most people know what a ‘popcorn’ film is. It’s the kind of summer film that provides mindless fun. Big stars, massive f/x, minimal plot. For me, the last really good popcorn film was “Jurassic Park”. The past few years popcorn films have really sucked (“Independence Day”, “Armageddon”, etc.). This is why the new Star Wars film seemed like a miracle. Back in ’77 “Star Wars” revolutionized the movie going experience. It created the summer popcorn flick. But it wasn’t just that…it was a smart popcorn flick. A fun popcorn film
    Everything went out the window when “The Phantom Menace” showed up. It didn’t just suck, it blew. It was awful. It was boring, dull, and lacked every good aspect the original trilogy held. With the bad-word-of-mouth popcorn flick, “Wild, Wild West”, looming in the distance, it seems like the good popcorn movie is long gone.
    Or is it?
    Stanley Tucci has written, directed, and starred in a fantastically fun art house popcorn film titled “The Impostors.”
    What a suitable title. It plays out like the definition of a popcorn film. It has twists and turns, laughs and suspense, action and sly wit. It’s a very fun film. I enjoyed myself while I watched “The Impostors”. The difference? It’s a small budgeted 30’s style comedy with no huge stars and no special effects.
    “The Impostors” is the first art house popcorn movie I’ve seen. I hope I don’t see the last.
    Tucci and Oliver Platt (“Bullworth”) play acting buddies who need work. They attempt to scam a bakery worker for free food but end up receiving free tickets to a New York Broadway rendition of Hamlet. The bad thing is the actor playing Hamlet is a hack. The worst.
    Eventually the acting pals are accused of attacking the hack actor and hide away in a crate on the docks. They awaken and find out they aren’t on the docks anymore, but on a cruise ship bound for Paris.
    The original title of the film was “Ship of Fools”. That was a much, much better title. Every character on the boat is either crazy or nuts. There are a variety of fools; two American spies pretending to be French, a suicidal singer whose name is Happy, and a crazy terrorist planning to blow up the ship.
    The stowaway actors eventually use their acting talents to attempt to thwart the enemies and save the day.
    Tucci is a vastly talented man. He co-wrote and directed the indie hit “Big Night”, which was interesting but lacked energy. “The Impostors” is full of life. It’s silly and off the wall and funny and entertaining and makes you truly enjoy film making. Yes, it gets a little full of itself towards the end, but it makes you believe again in the popcorn film. Fuck Lucas, praise Tucci. ***

Review: STAR WARS EPISODE 1: THE PHANTOM MENACE

OBI-WAN KENBLOWME  

(reviewed at Marple 10 with Jack on opening day Wednesday, May 19th, 1999)

   There is no such thing as magic. Not now. Not anymore. Maybe once it exsisted. Back in ’77 when the original “Star Wars” hit there was magic in the air. Now, with dead teenagers strewn in war battered High Schools, with a president’s sex life on the public auction block, and with a god-awful new “Star Wars” film in theaters, the regular joe has nothing much to lift his spirits…expect…er…John Street actually beat negative campaigning.
    Talk about a bad start to summer. We were treated to that bad remake two weeks ago, “The Mummy”, now we have to contemplate all of this waiting with bated breath…for this.
    This being “Star Wars: Episode 1: The Phantom Menace”, as if you’ve been hiding in your basement for the past few years. George Lucas’ return to the director’s chair after 22 looooooong years with his first of three prequels to the original thrillogy that takes place a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.
    The cast of characters include a young Obi Wan Kenobi, a very young Darth Vader, and some fresh faces; Queen Amidala played by that cutie from “The Professional”, Natalie Portman, Darth Sidious and Darth Maul, a CGI created clown creature named Jar-Jar Binks, and Jedi Knight Qui-Gonn Jinn.
    The backdrop deals with a planet called Naboo which is inhabited by underwater Gungans and normal white people in a city. Something about a sneaky trade organization threatening invasion kicks everything off. Obi and Qui show up to negotiate and eventually snag the queen and hit the sky to get the fuck outta dodge.
    They meet Darth Vader on the desert planet which was made memorable in the first “Star Wars”, Tatooine. He’s just a boy, but Qui sees great power in him.
    Cut to the chase: the ending involves the Gungan army versus the invading battle droids, Qui and Obi versus Sith lord Darth Maul, a horn headed, black and red face painted villain with a double sided light saber, and Darth Vader going into space and saving the day by accident.
    Maybe it sounded good on paper. I said maybe. The new Star Wars film is more of a mess than “The Mummy” was. It doesn’t have any oomph, any power, any excitement, any fun, any thrill. It’s a dull popcorn flick with the best special f/x I’ve ever seen and probably will ever see until Episode II: Balance of the Force. The music is fantastically awesome, too. John Williams is working at the top of his game.
    Why is it bad? It’s all effects and no heart. The characters are all lifeless. The villains seem to be villains just because. Everybody in it is a bad actor expect for Portman who without the queen makeup is acceptable. I guess the script’s horrible dialogue just couldn’t be read realistically. There’s no good action either. There’s the pod race which goes on for too long, and the ending which is way too silly thanks to kid-friendly Jar-Jar Binks. 
    The good aspects? Besides the music and f/x, there is truly one great scene I can think of. Classic “Star Wars”. Unadulterated. Pure evil. Fantastic.
    Darth Maul and Darth Sidious are standing on a balcony at night in a vast city. The view is spectacular. Just two guys in cloaks in the darkness, watching the normal people below, not knowing of the “phantom menace”. Maul turns towards us and reveals his painted face and evil eyes. He says to Sidious: “At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi.” Foreboding. Creepiness. Evil. Man, I wish Lucas could make a movie as good as I can write. *

Review: THE MUMMY

(reviewed at United Artists 17 on Delaware Avenue on Thursday, May 6th, 1999 w/ mom)

   Let’s re-make “The Godfather”, or how about “Braveheart” as a six hour CBS mini-series? Why not? These days nothing is sacred. Just last week I had the audacity to attend a preview screening for Universal’s newest remake, “The Mummy”. The good thing is that it’s far, far, far from Boris Karloff’s 1932 classic of the same name.
    Stephen Sommers wrote and directed this big budget mess. He’s also the brains behind the tongue-in-cheek sea monster flick “Deep Rising” which I, being a good film critic, didn’t see.
    He’s added his tonge-in-cheek dialogue and action/adventure plot to an ILM special f/x film with an $80+ million budget.
    You would think that that would be a recipe for success…right? Wrong. “The Mummy” should never have been remade. It’s bad enough they re-make TV shows like “Wild, Wild, West” just because they’re out of ideas, but “The Mummy”? Everyone knows the mummy. Everyone loves the mummy. Why did Universal have to come out with a major disaster to create new ideas in young kid’s minds, “The Mummy sucks.”
    Brendan Fraser is the Indiana Jones style good guy who is in the foreign legion. He shows up after the awful prologue takes place back in Ancient Egypt where an Egyptian is mummified alive and has a curse put on him.
    Fraser finds the city of dead and eventually ends up in prison where he is hung…or not. With his knowledge of the location of this city of the dead, he takes off on an epic journey with a brother/sister team and a fat Egyptian prison warden of sorts. Another group of dudes is also going to the city of the dead.
    Without giving anything away, they find it, release the mummy and his curse, and try to make things right through thousands of bullets and a few really silly special f/x.
    The one thing I really enjoyed in this film was the action. There wasn’t nary a dull moment. The searchers hop on a normal boat and all of a sudden there’s a massive gunfight and the boat explodes. The bad thing is the action turns incredibly ridiculous towards the end when more than one mummy shows up, especially when the army of mummies start marching around with their uniforms over their skeletal bodies and practically start bouncing off the walls.
    I realize the dialogue Sommers’ wrote pokes fun at itself, but the movie is really idiotic. It’s not a good movie, which is surprising when you figure in the great material you have here. The fucking mummy. You would think any movie involving the mummy would kick ass. Picture the catacombs. Picture an explorer alone in the catacombs. Picture an explorer alone in the dark catacombs when his flashlight has gone out. Picture an explorer alone in the dark catacombs and he hears a russling, something is coming after him, it’s the mother fucking mummy!
    Re-makes suck, and this film more than proves it. *1/2 (out of ****)