Review: THE GENERAL'S DAUGHTER

SPECIAL DELIVERY OF NOTHING

(reviewed at AMC Marple 10 on Sunday, June 20th, 1999 with jack & steve)

   There’s this good scene in “The General’s Daughter” when…oh, wait a minute. My mistake. There are no good scenes in “The General’s Daughter”.
    It’s summer. When summer is around the bend you obviously heed the warning of the incoming popcorn films. Okay, Lucas, you tricked us into thinking your little sci-fi film was special. We were tricked, some of us are still tricked, but right now, after a god awful “Star Wars” film in every theater this side of the Atlantic, every moviegoer now has their awareness radars on full blast.
    What the hell am I talking about? When summer comes along the illusive Hollywood popcorn films show up. They have big stars and big production values, they come out in thousands of theaters, are promoted to the moon, and always turn in massive profits. The problem? They usually suck.
    Popcorn films are mindless fun, right? They’re supposed to be. “Jaws”, “Jurassic Park”, “T2: Judgment Day”, “True Lies”, The Indiana Jones films, the first Star Wars trilogy. These were all great popcorn films. They had their flaws, but at least they entertained and made you glad you sat through them. “I had a good time.” I can’t even remember saying those five words after viewing a popcorn movie. It’s been that long.
    “The General’s Daughter” may pretend to be an Oscar-worthy, in the same-vein as “A Few Good Men”, but they aren’t fooling anyone. “The General’s Daughter” is a popcorn film, and defines everything bad about a popcorn film. Big name star, glossy quality, forced action, crowd pleasing wisecracks, horrible plot, awful ending, bore-a-thon 2000, etc. etc. etc.
    John Travolta plays John Travolta…I mean, some guy. I don’t remember his name, that’s how memorable the film was. He’s a detective at a military base in the heart of the south. A general’s daughter is murdered and he has to solve the murder with the help of Madeline Stowe who plays Madeline Stowe…I mean, some woman.   
    The film is based on a book by some dude Nelson Demille. He writes mysteries. Even at it’s barest essentials, this mystery sucks. Who killed the general’s daughter? Who cares? There is one suspect; James Woods who plays, okay the joke is over.
    Since there is only one suspect, who else could it be? I won’t spoil it, but I will tell you this, even if you aren’t disappointed in this God awful film, then you most definitely will be when they reveal the killer. You’ll be like, what? Come…on. The last good murder mystery was the slasher flick, “Scream”, and the killer in that was…killer.   
    When I pondered this film in my mind I was thinking of how many good scenes it had. Okay, none. Good song, “Carmina Burana”, but every damn movie uses that, so no points. Any semi-good scenes? No. Any bad scenes? Where do I start?
    The actual back story to this murder mystery is so bad it will make you write threats to the people that put this together. Maybe the novel was good if they had time to explain, but the story up there on the screen made me wish the general never had a daughter, John Travolta never became an actor, Simon West was still living at home with his mom and working at the local McDonald's, and the producers were like, “Um…I think we’ll pass.” If only I had a time machine. Now there’s a story. ½*