Review: FIRESTORM

HOWIE LONG DESERVES AN OSCAR

(reviewed on HBO with jack)

    “Firestorm” was the first action film to hit theaters in 1998, and with it came the premonition that action movies last year were going to suck.
    Well the premonition came true. 1998 was a horrible year for action movies. The reason was probably because there weren’t many of them. “Armageddon” didn’t have much action in it, “Lethal Weapon 4” was more humor based, and “Enemy of the State” I didn’t see (what a good reviewer I am).
    There wasn’t any big, rated-R, serious as a heart attack John Woo/gunfights/ultraviolent action films out there. I’m sad to admit it, but “Firestorm” is what is left of the action film. I’m sad because “Firestorm” sucks.
    The premise involves Howie Long as a smoke jumper, some dude who parachutes into the heart of a forest fire to prevent it. Some criminals escape from a prison bus and march through the forest looking for Canada, only to end up finding a professional bird watcher/photographer who they take as a hostage. Howie Long shows up and takes the girl and fights the prisoners until the gigantic ending that involves the firestorm.
    The reason pure action movies are more or less dead is the fact that “Firestorm” does everything by the book and ends up ridiculously bad. Howie Long isn’t the worldest greatest actor, but he doesn’t ruin the film. The script and the horrible f/x of the firestorm make the film bad.
    It’s laughable when it’s supposed to be serious, and it’s stupid when it’s supposed to be cool. “Firestorm” followed every step by the book and turned out a pure popcorn feature that is horrible. They did everything right, how come it isn’t a Die Hard or a Lethal Weapon? I’ll tell you why: it’s the same…old…shit. Nothing new. Nothing exciting. No good characters. No unique plot devices or action scenes. The special f/x are horrible, the ending is stupid, and the title of the film refers to what looks to me like an orange and yellow crayon-drawn picture when it’s supposed to be menacing, fierce, and cruel. Oh, well, there’s always next year. *1/2 (out of ****)