(reviewed at the mecca with mom and annie on Wednesday, July 18th, 2001)
As I watched Jurasic Park III on opening day, I realized something as soon as it started. The very first scene is extremely silly and lame, plus the special f/x are extremely cheap and pathetic looking. What I realized, and what I kept thinking about in my mind, was how hard is it to make a good dinosaur movie? I guess Joe Johnston and the dozen script writers dropped the ball, because I think that it should be fairly easy. Jurassic Park III is a silly, disaster of a film. Granted, 1997’s The Lost World was a step down from 1993’s Jurassic Park, but JP3 is a giant leap down in quality, special f/x, excitement, action, logic, plot, story, characters, beginning, middle, ending, and, okay. You get the point. It seems like Steven Spielberg and Michael Crichton were eaten by raptors in 1997 and thus had no say whatsoever in this mess. Because sadly, even though The Lost World could have been better, I would have much rather seen Crichton and Spielberg work on this thing.
It all starts out lamely enough. I won’t spoil it, but if you have seen even one preview then you more or less know EVERY SINGLE SET PIECE IN THE ENTIRE FILM. Yes, the previews give away everything, even most of the ending. Basically, Dr. Alan Grant (Sam Neill, who was good in the first film, but I feel for bad for him here because it seems he only signed on because he needed the money…after all, since The Piano no one has been knocking down his door exactly) ends up on Site B, Isla Sorna, the second island where the crazy Dr. Moreau-ish John Hammond created the dinosaurs. This is the same island we first saw in The Lost World. The place is run down, and the dinosaurs are living about in fierce jungle terrain. The problem with this film, and the second one, is the fact that there is no real good reason to come back to any of the five islands (in The Lost World we learn that there are five islands, although in this film we learn that there are only two…yes, it doesn’t make sense). The second film featured a lame plot line that had Julianne Moore and Vince Vaughn showing up on the island to take pictures while a few hunters showed up to catch some beasts. Fine, that is at least somewhat logical. Why anyone is on this island in this third outing is more or less a complete copy of the first one plus another reason that is too lame to even repeat here.
So some people get chased around by dinos, including the infamously big Spinosaurus, the raptors (again), and some pteradactyls. There is action, but it is silly and monotonous, and not nearly as death defyingly intense as the infamous stalled car sequence in the first flick, the infamous raptor kitchen scene in the first flick, or the infamous two t-rexes & a trailer scene in the second flick. The pteradactyl scene in this is probably what most people will agree is the best, but even that action scene turns silly and lame way too fast. This film, unfortunately, is for kids. And I guess I should have seen it coming. Joe Johnston directed this one, and he is the director of kid movies like October Sky and Jumanji. There are too many jokes in this film that turn it into a colorful romp. The big climactic ending is turned into a laughable popcorn disaster when some genius decided to cut an intense, violent battle with a colorful, unfunny joke plot.
Don’t ask, because you don’t want to know how bad it is.
How hard is it to make a good dinosaur film? Seriously! How hard it is? It’s not hard at all! Why not rate the next one R, put some hardcore Starship Troopers-esque carnage into it, and make it fucking awesome? Why bore us with this kiddy bullshit? Dinosaurs are fucking wicked! They’re sick and disgusting and ferocious and scary and horrible and not unlike the friggin’ nazi’s! Why are they in a kid’s movie???
The other aspect that is a total letdown are the special f/x. They are, without a doubt, horrible. All of the dinosaurs look like they’re animated. The raptors are too colorful, and the Spinosaurus never looks as threatening as the t-rex in the first film, even though it’s bigger and more powerful. Jurassic Park came out EIGHT YEARS AGO, so why are the f/x worse now? Did ILM pull a rush job on Johnston? Do they only put the good stuff up on the screen when Spielberg is directing? I’m not sure, but this film needed major work. I guess now we finally realize why they sank this monster in mid-summer instead of opening it up earlier. It’s a kids film, and it isn’t boring, but it’s a mess. This franchise was golden, and the first film was the best popcorn film of the 90’s. Now the franchise is almost ruined. This summer, unfortunately, is turning worse every week. *1/2
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