THE TOP 10 MOST ANTICIPATED FILMS OF 2023

1- INDIA JONES & THE DIAL OF DESTINY: I think we all know that this movie won't be as good as "Temple of Doom," yet here we are. I'm probably the only one on Earth that actually enjoyed the last "Indiana Jones" film. Sure, it wasn't as good as the first 3, but it was entertaining. This new one has a different director, though. Even Spielberg couldn't handle the backlash at doing another one of these. James Mangold, who directed the last two Wolverine films, is at the helm. The script was co-written by Jez Butterworth, who's written some good plays (like "The Ferryman," which I saw in NYC in 2018). It has Antonio Banderas, Mads Mikkelsen, and Phoebe Waller-Bridge in it. The one problem I have with this film is that in the trailer, all the backgrounds are special f/x. Would it fucking kill these cheap Hollywood idiots to actually go film the thing on a real location? That's what ruined the jungle truck chase in the last film. 

2- DUNE: PART TWO: The first part was my favorite film of 2021. The big problem is that everything good in the book happened in part one. There will be the big, final fight scene at the end against who ever they got to play Sting's part (it's Elvis! Aka Austin Butler). As long it's as gorgeous and as epic as the first one, this'll probably be 2023's best film.

3- OPPENHEIMER: A new Christopher Nolan film is always a welcome event. Since the trailer already came out, it looks fantastic. Cillian Murphy plays Oppenheimer, the dude that helped create the atom bomb. Will this finally be the year Nolan wins his deserved Oscar?

4- BARBIE: I am so curious about this film. First off, it's not some dumb, kid's, Hollywood romp. Greta Gerwig directed it and Gerwig and Noah Baumbach wrote it. Margot Robbie is Barbie and Ryan Gosling is Ken. The story has the fictional characters entering our world. I can't even fathom the indie darlings, Gerwig & Baumbach, making a film about Barbie. Although I couldn't fathom the two making "White Noise" either and that turned out to be one of the best films of 2022 (that nobody liked).

5- WONKA: Timothee Chalamet stars as a young Willy Wonka when he first encounters the Oompa Loompas. Paul King directed this, and even though I never saw his two "Paddington" movies, they were universally loved. I did love "The Mighty Boosh," which he worked on. This sounds amazing.

6- THE HUNGER GAMES: THE BALLAD OF SONGBIRDS & SNAKES: This book was great, though I never heard too much about it since it was released. Did people not like it? Not care? It seemed like a money grab at the time. That, or the author was out of ideas and pushed into it by her publisher. Either way, the story is great and does include another Hunger Games. The cast is epic: Hunter Schafer, Peter Dinklage, and Jason Schwartzman? Give the casting director an Oscar! Rachel Zegler ("West Side Story") and Tom Blyth are the main stars. The director did the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th "Hunger Games" films. This movie is going to be awesome and everyone doesn't realize it. 

7- THE KILLER: Nobody liked "Mank," David Fincher's last film. I don't know why, because it was excellent. This is his newest, based on a French comic book about a hitman that I've never heard of. It stars Michael Fassbender and Tilda Swinton. It sounds like it'll be akin to a great Michael Mann film, which don't exist anymore, sadly.

8- REBEL MOON: This is another Zack Snyder mega budget, balls to the wall action picture, this time set on a colony on a far away planet. It stars Charlie Hunman and Cary Elwes, who I don't think has been in a movie since "The Princess Bride." Apparently, Snyder filmed the sequel at the same time so we'll be getting two of these. Snyder's last movie, "Army of the Dead," was so much fun. I really don't understand why everyone hates this guy because his movies are always entertaining.

9- BEAU IS AFRAID: Ari Aster made two critically acclaimed, weird horror movies. Now he's making...a comedy? Huh? What? From the trailer, it looks like one of the weirdest movies ever made. It  might also be terrible. Joaquin Phoenix stars as a man who is losing his mind. I loved "Midsommar," so I'm eagerly anticipating to see what the fuck this is. 

10- GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 3: James Gunn is back writing/directing the latest installment of this Marvel franchise. His "Guardians of the Galaxy: Holiday Special" was a blast, so hopefully this'll be just as much fun. It might be Gunn's last forway with Marvel, too, since he's now the cheif architect or whatever it's called of the DC film universe now. If this is even half as entertaining as his "Peacemaker" TV show, it'll be great. 

THE TOP 10 MOST ANTICIPATED FILMS OF 2022 REVISITED

 1- THE BATMAN: Reviewed. **1/2

2- AVATAR 2: I haven't seen this yet. It got mostly positive reviews, though everyone pretty much said the same thing: it looks great, but that's all there is.

3- JURASSIC WORLD: DOMINION: This was entertaining though not nearly as good as the last two "Jurassic World" films. **1/2

4- FANTASTIC BEASTS: THE SECRETS OF DUMBLEDORE: I enjoyed this film though nobody else did. It's better than the 2nd film but not as good as the 1st. ***

5- THOR: LOVE & THUNDER: This was disappointingly bad. I was kind of shocked because I usually love every Taika Waititi film. *1/2

6- KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON: This never came out. It's scheduled for 2023.

7- ASTEROID CITY: This never came out. I'm guessing sometime in 2023.

8- CANTERBURY GLASS: The final title was "Amsterdam," and as much as I hated the "Canterbury Glass" title, it's better. This was one of the worst films I've ever seen. I stopped watching it after 45 minutes. It's truly an unwatchable mess. Robert Deniro is in it and I never even got to his part. I did see Taylor Swift get run over by a car. -No Stars-

9- BABYLON: I didn't see this yet. It's over 3 hours long and got horrible reviews and was a total box office bomb. It still looks good, though.

10- SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE (PART ONE): This was postponed to 2023.

THE BEST FILMS OF 2022

        

                                   1- THE NORTHMAN
                                                

                                       

                              

                                            2- NOPE
                        

                               

                               

                  3- EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE
                                        

                         

                                           

                                          4- BABYLON
                           

                                           

                                             

                       

                                 5- DECISION TO LEAVE
                        

                          

                           6- CATHERINE CALLED BIRDY
                    

       

                          

                             7- CHA CHA REAL SMOOTH
                                   

 

                      

                              

                                             8- PREY
                               

 

                       

                                       9- VENGEANCE

                        

10- DON'T WORRY DARLING

Review: THE BATMAN

 

    I enjoyed Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice better than The Batman, a brand new entry to the pantheon of Batman that stars Robert Pattinson as Batman and is directed by and co-written by Matt Reeves, of Cloverfield and two Planet of the Apes reboots fame. Admitting that Batman vs. Superman, the globally loathed Ben Affleck as Batman picture, is better is probably saying something about the new picture. It also says a lot about DC versus Marvel movies. Whereas the Marvel movies exist in a thriving, sustainable, cohesive universe that continues on a somewhat set, continuous path, the DC movies seem to stutter start and stop and re-emerge every few years like a phoenix. Ben Affleck was the new Batman in Batman vs. Superman and also had a bit part in Justice League, but for whatever reason, Affleck's solo Batman movie never got made. It was supposedly more of a James Bond, Batman as a spy type of a picture, which Reeves, when being named director, wanted no part of. Hence Affleck leaving, Pattinson showing up, and this new film with a new Batman arriving. And now that Pattinson said he's not playing Batman again, DC will have to start anew, again. Why is DC failing where Marvel has soared?

    Batman of course is comic book's best character. His comic book has the best villains and best location. You would think it wouldn't be very hard to make a fantastic movie out of it. But what are you looking for? A great film or just a dumb, fun, popcorn flick? Marvel decided to go the popcorn route and thus ended up making billions. None of the Marvel films are great movies, but at least they entertain in a fun way. The new Batman movie is kind of the opposite of, say, Guardians of the Galaxy or Thor: Ragnorak, which were colorful and smile inducing. The Batman is dark, sour, sullen, rain swept, and gritty. And at 3 hours long, it's often a slog. The main villain is a take on the Zodiac killer. Robert Pattinson broods like a mascara wearing lead singer of a 90's emo band. The plot involves death, fatherless children, funerals, drug addicts, corruption, murder, and the mob. Enjoy going to the theater on a Friday night and having a great time out with that slab of melancholy.

    The basic plot in The Batman is that this is year two of Bruce Wayne being Batman. Everything kicks off with The Riddler killing a man running for mayor in Gotham City. One of the first shots in the film, featuring the first shot of The Riddler, is a fantastic, well shot piece of filmmaking. The politician, talking on the phone, walks to his right and we suddenly see a dark figure standing in the shadows behind him. Menacing, creepy, and very cool, this is only one of the great looking shots in the film. Dune cinematographer Greig Fraser was the DP on The Batman, and he's a master. I'm still baffled at how he didn't win the Oscar for his work filming Foxcatcher, although he did pick up an Oscar for Dune. Fraser also seems to love shooting closely from behind; behind someone's head as they walk, behind a person on a motorcylce as it races, behind a car as it barrels down a dark highway. At 3 hours, there better be some fantastic shots in the movie, and there are, and it's one of the ways the movie does stand out from a typical, been-there-done-that flick. The other engrossing aspect of the film is the score. While everyone is harking on the fact that there's a Nirvana song in the film, the score is actually the thing everyone should be talking about. It's no Danny Elfman Batman score, but it's still fantastic and really gives the film a beating heart when it needs it. 

    The Riddler is killing famous, corrupt people in Gotham, which is the basic premise, and, unfortunately, it never really amounts to much of interest in the end. The Penguin also shows up, in a fairly superfluous part, although Collin Farrel has a good time hamming it up in a fat suit. Catwoman is in this, too, and Zoe Kravitz basically steals the whole movie. She's fantastic as always. Pattinson, though, is totally forgettable, which is a surprise, because he's been knocking it out of the park left and right on the art house scene in films like The Lighthouse and Good Time. 

    While there are some great shots, and some action sequences that are engaging, like the car chase scene, the big problem is that the script isn't all that great. The Riddler as a Zodiac-esque killer is an interesting idea, but ultimately by the end that fails when we never get a great climax with him versus Batman. The big finale, which, disappointingly, involves a mass shooting incident, is kind of something you would see in a Batman comic book (a villain attempting to flood the city), but in this movie, which seems to be attempting to do what Nolan did (make Batman more realistic and less like a comic book), doesn't mesh with the rest of the picture. 

    The Batman is certainly really good in parts, but mostly hit-or-miss and ultimately not exactly a classic or memorable entry in the canon. With such a great character, a great menagerie of villains, and a movie setting to die for, we really deserve something much better than this. **1/2

THE TOP 10 MOST ANTICIPATED FILMS OF 2022

1- THE BATMAN: It's kind of strange that the last Batman film came out in 2010. I suppose you could argue that it was Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice, but even that came out 6 years ago. What the fuck, dude? Batman movies are cash cows. They should be cranking them out every year if they were smart. Well this is an all new one with a new cast and director. The vampire from Twilight is Batman and the director of the last two Planet of the Apes films is on board. The trailers make this look more like a dark Christopher Nolan Batman film, which is a good thing. The one problem is that this is apparently going to feature The Penguin, Catwoman, and The Riddler. Jesus. What, is this four hours long?

2- AVATAR 2: Yes, Avatar 2 is coming out this year, a quick 13 years after the original. The first one came out so long ago I don't even remember if I liked it. I do remember that it made a lot of money mostly because it was in 3-D and everyone had to go to the movies to see the new, cool 3-D technology that everyone was talking about. I'd rather go see True Lies 2 but oh, well. One half of The Flight of the Chonchords is in this so that'll be interesting. This time the film takes place underwater. After so long, I'm just curious why it took 13 years to make this.

3- JURASSIC WORLD: DOMINION: I suppose they can't just keep remaking the original film, although they probably should, as Jurassic Park and Jurassic World are the two best of the series and literally have the same plot. This time the dinosaurs are loose in the real world. I'm not entirely sure how this is a movie, though. Like...do people just live their day to day lives but dinosaurs are around? Or are people all cowering in basements full time? Either way, you can't go wrong with a Jurassic Park flick. 

4- FANTASTIC BEASTS: THE SECRETS OF DUMBLEDORE: Yes, we'd all rather be seeing more Harry Potter films, but unfortunately this is all we've got. I adored the first Fantastic Beasts films and didn't enjoy the second so who the fuck knows if this one'll be any good? The trailer makes it look...fantastic. They also replaced wife beater Johnny Depp with Mads Mikelson, which is a win win, although I wonder if they're going to explain why he suddenly looks different. 

5- THOR: LOVE & THUNDER: Taiki Waititi is back co-writing and directing this, which is basically the Thor film where a woman, Natalie Portman, becomes Thor. If it's half as entertaining as Waititi's last Thor, this'll be a blast. 

6- KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON: This probably won't come out this year, but who knows? It's Martin Scorsese directing and Leonardo DiCaprio starring and it's going straight to Apple+. It's based on a book that was based on a true story of a series of Native American murders in the early 20th century. 

7- ASTEROID CITY: This is Wes Anderson's latest, supposedly shot in Spain and starring the usuals along with Tom Hanks and Margot Robbie. While Wes Anderson was at one point my favorite director, his last film, The French Dispatch, was lousy. Hopefully he'll redeem himself.

8- CANTERBURY GLASS: Three Kings will always be David O. Russell's best film, but one can still hope that he has another great one in him. It's strange, but with Silver Linings Playbook and American Hustle back to back in 2012-2013, Russell was like the biggest stud in Hollywood. He hasn't made a movie since 2015's Joy. What the hell has he been doing in 7 years? Seriously...what? Either way, he's back with a film that takes place in the early 20th century and it stars Anya-Taylor Joy, Margot Robbie, and Christian Bale. Unfortunately, plot details are under wraps. Let's also hope this is just a working title.

9- BABYLON: I really enjoyed Whiplash and First Man but I didn't like La La Land. That's kind of odd because I love musicals. Damian Chazelle's latest also takes place in the early 20th century. It stars Brad Pitt. Fuck. Give it all the Oscars, already. It's supposedly about Hollywood changing from the silent era to sound. Sounds thrilling! 

10- SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE (PART ONE): I loved the first one of these, the computer animated adventures of Miles Morales. You can tell that superhero movies are king these days as there are like a thousand coming out this year. Dr. Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, Black Panther 2, Aquaman 2, Black Adam (starring The Rock), The Flash, also Thor 4, which I mentioned earlier. It says a lot, though, about the quality of these superhero movies when I'm more exciting to see a computer animated one about the B-Spider-Man than most of the others.

THE TOP 10 MOST ANTICIPATED FILMS OF 2021 REVISITED

1- UNTITLED PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON FILM: While this got good reviews, it was unfortunately titled Licorice Pizza, one of, if not the, worst titles in movie history. While I "get" why they called the movie that, it's just awful. And while this film did, in fact, come out in 2021, I haven't seen it yet.

2- UNTITLED SPIDER-MAN SEQUEL: I haven't seen this movie yet, either, even though it did come out in 2021 and is already the 6th highest grossing movie of all time. And since I'm harking about bad titles, what's the deal with the title of this movie being so fucking close to the last one? The last one was Spider-Man: Far From Home and this one is Spider-Man: No Way Home. I mean...this is the 8th Spider-Man movie in the last 20 years so creativity isn't exactly a part of this niche.

3- MONA LISA AND THE BLOOD MOON: This movie played at the Venice Film Festival in September and got great reviews but then disappeared completely. I wonder if the director ever started that all-female Cliffhanger re-boot we were promised as well. 

4- THE SUICIDE SQUAD: Wow, the first film on this list that I actually saw. It probably helped that thanks to the pandemic and HBO starting their own streaming service to rival Netflix, this movie went straight to TV in August. While this film is entertaining, it's not as good as James Gunn's two Guardians of the Galaxy films. It's also inferior to the Peacemaker TV show that just came out on HBO Max that Gunn wrote and directed and which spins out of this film. The one huge problem I had with this film is some of the violent shooting sequences that are played for joy and entertainment and laughs. And people wonder where mass shootings come from. **1/2 (out of ****)

5- THE MATRIX 4: This also went straight to HBO Max. It's also terrible, an unwatchable, uncreative mess. I was never even a big fan of the original Matrix film, but that looks like The Wizard of Oz compared to this sad sack excuse of a film. 1/2*

6- NIGHTMARE ALLEY: This I didn't see, though I did watch the original which, shockingly, isn't a very good film. Usually when you remake a movie it's because the original was, like, actually good. Baffling, really. I suppose it's not a surprise then that this was one of the year's biggest box office duds.

7- THE NORTHMAN: I just watched the trailer for this and it looks amazing. Unfortunately it's not coming out until March 2022.

8- DECISION TO LEAVE: This never came out. It was made but the release date is up in the air.

9- THE TRAGEDY OF MACBETH: This came out on Apple+ a few weeks after being released in theaters. It's a total bore. It probably doesn't help that it's in black and white with spare sets and mostly green screen backdrops. Kenneth Branagh knew that Shakespeare on film needed lavish sets and colorful costumes and huge backdrops. Frances McDormand is good in this but Denzel Washington is not. I suppose Ethan Coen was the genius of the two. *

10- MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 7: This never came out, which is kind of shocking considering they were filming this in the summer of 2020. 

THE BEST FILMS OF 2021

1- DUNE

2- LICORICE PIZZA

3- CUSP

4- WOODSTOCK '99: PEACE, LOVE & RAGE

5- CRUELLA

6- ZACK SNYDER'S JUSTICE LEAGUE

7- FEAR STREET PART 1: 1994

8- ARMY OF THE DEAD

9- SPENCER

10- THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD